Question Summary:
I was a pious person but lost everything: my business, had two divorces, was thrown in jail & had several attempts on my life. What went wrong & why did this happen to me? Question Detail:
NOTE : I'm not asking for help or money or anything. I'm asking you to explain why this happened to me.
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected Brother – we acknowledge – based on your inquiry - that you have had a very difficult time for some years now. Your inquiry mentions substantial financial losses, the collapse of your business, deceit and deception from your spouses, several attempts on your life and more.
You've raised a number of issues and questions and stated that you have consulted with numerous Imams and Muftis and have not found their explanations to be sufficient.
Let's look at the issues you raised one by one in detail:
Leaping to Conclusions:
First and foremost, let's start with the most pressing and serious issue, and that is your statement that “sometimes suicide seems quite tempting” to escape the difficulties you are facing.
Please stop thinking that because you are facing so many difficult challenges there is nothing left in life worth living for. You are leaping to conclusions to justify that your life no longer has any worth because of the losses you sustained in your business, marital issues, etc.
Yes, there is no doubt – based on your inquiry – that you are facing substantial setbacks, but that does not mean that your life no longer has any meaning or that you've lost everything. Overgeneralizing losses by stating: “I've lost everything” makes one spiral deeper and deeper into stress and anxiety. There are many things worth living for – and the most important among them, is your faith [Imaan].
If you lost everything and gained the pleasure of Allah, what would you have lost? On the other hand, if you gained everything you ever dreamed of, but did not gain the pleasure of Allah, what would you have really gained?
We have full confidence that you know the answer to the question above. You do not know how many years are still ahead of you – and Insha-Allah you will find new opportunities by the Will of Allah. If one door closes, another opens. Be patient: “Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” [94:6]
“Window Of Tolerance”:
A “window of tolerance” is that state in which you feel calm and comfortable enough to deal with the problems and challenges of life. First defined in 1999, the term “window of tolerance” is now widely used in trauma therapy to understand how we respond to stress and adversity. [i]
While the phrase is relatively recent, the concept of expanding one's “window of tolerance” to respond to a much higher degree of stress and trauma is grounded in the teachings of Islam. By adjusting our expectations [tawaqqu'aat], practicing patience [sabr], being content [qaan'i], and relying upon Allah [tawakkul], a person greatly increases his ability to tolerate the ups and downs in life and respond to stressful situations appropriately.
The benefit of expanding our “window of tolerance” is that:
[a] The body becomes calm – and does not give into depression and anxiety.
[b] The mind becomes clear – and is able to ponder the best way to deal with life's challenges.
When facing challenges in life (business, marital, etc.), the rule is not to punish and inflict harm upon yourself. Rather, since we are servants of Allah, we are ordered to be patient and to turn towards Allah. At the same time we use all permissible means to do what is beneficial but are content with whatever has been decreed for us.
As a result, the “window of tolerance” expands – meaning we are able to respond accordingly to difficulties and overcome these trials. This is because in patience, contentment and reliance upon Allah lies the tranquility and peace of the heart that is so important to a peaceful and happy life.
When you stopped praying your Salah and started harboring ill-intentions about Allah, you narrowed your “window of tolerance” instead of expanding it.
Think about how Musa (peace be upon him) arrived in Madyan and had no place to sleep, no work and no acquaintances in a new, foreign land – in addition to the fact that he was wanted by Fir'aun. What did Musa (peace be upon him) do? From the moment of his departure he harbored good intentions: “Perhaps my Lord will guide me to the sound way.” [28:22] Upon arrival, he did not become depressed. Rather, he watered the flocks for two women, then he turned towards the shade and made dua: “O My Lord, indeed I am in need of whatever good You send down upon me.” [28:24]
How To Expand Your “Window Of Tolerance”:
[1] Practice patience, contentment and reliance upon Allah. Focus only on the permissible means you have at your disposal to get out of debt and rebuild your life. Focus on the effort. Adjust your expectation by reminding yourself that you are a slave of Allah and that you are content with His decree. After you've utilized all permissible means - be content with the results, whatever they turn out to be.
[2] Focus inward on your own flaws instead of pointing fingers and saying that people “pretend to be Muslim”. Sometimes we don't realize our own faults. It might seem to us that we are doing everything right – but that is not necessarily the case. Think hard about whether your wronged anyone in anyway. If there has been any negligence in fulfilling the rights of parents, relatives, business partners, etc., seek their forgiveness.
[3] Have good thoughts about Allah. Always expect that Allah will create ease for you. Be optimistic, always.
[3] Make dua constantly. Never stop asking for good – and make it a habit to supplicate with the duas found in hadith by concentrating on their meaning. In one hadith it is stated that: “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and says what Allah has enjoined: (Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better) except that Allah will compensate him with something better.” The dua in Arabic is:
[a] إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون اللهمَّ ! أْجُرْني في مصيبتي وأَخلِفْ لي خيرًا منها
"Innalillahi wainna ilaihi rajiun. Allahummajurny fi museebaty wa akhlif li khairan minha”
(Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return.
O Allah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better) [ii]
Here are two more relevant duas from hadith that you should supplicate with regularly:
[b] اللهُمَّ صُبَّ عَلَيْنا الْخَيْرَ صَبًّا صَبًّا، وَلَا تَجْعَلْ عَيْشَنا كَدًّا كَدًّا
“Allahumma subba 'alayna al-khayr sabban sabba wa laa taj'al 'ayshana kaddan kadda”
(O' Allah, pour goodness upon us and don't make our life hard.) [iii]
[c] اللهُمَّ اكْفِنا بِحَلَاْلِكَ عَنْ حَرَاْمِكَ وَ وَأَغْنِنا بِفَضْلِكَ عَمَّنْ سِوَاْكَ
“Allahumma ikfinaa bihalaalika ‘an haraamik wa aghninaa bifadhika ‘amman siwaak”
(O Allah, suffice us with that which You have made halal and
enrich us with Your grace from everyone besides You.) [iv]
[4] Look at those who are in more suffering than you and praise Allah that you are not in their situation. Many are in far worse situations than you.
[5] Remembering the passing away of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam). In a hadith, it is stated:“Whoever is afflicted by a calamity then let him remember the calamity that befell him concerning me, for indeed it is the greatest calamity.”
The greatest calamity for any believer is the passing away of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam). Remember that, and Insha-Allah it will lighten your calamity. [v]
Why Do Prophets Face Trials?
You ask, “what evil did all our prophets do that they had to suffer such evil in their life?”
The Prophets (peace be upon them all) are innocent and without sin. As such, any difficulty they encounter has nothing to do whatsoever with any evil or sin – since they are sinless. Rather, the purpose of these trials is to:
[1] Increase their ranks in the hereafter.
[2] Since they are sinless – if they were not afflicted with trials and difficulties, they would have been accused of being divine (and exalted is Allah above having any partners!). Their being afflicted with difficulties makes it clear that they are humans – albeit chosen to convey the message to mankind.
[3] Since the Prophets (peace be upon them all) are role-models for all of us, their patience and contentment with the difficulties and tests they faced are shown to the people. This is a lesson for the rest of us so that we may take comfort and solace in the fact that the best of men endured much more than us. As a result, our own calamities become easier and lighter because of this. [vi]
Saints & Sinners
The reason why calamities come differ from person to person according to his/her rank and status with Allah.
As explained above, the Prophets (peace be upon them all) – since they are sinless - are afflicted for reasons specific to them.
For the friends of Allah [awliya], these trials are to remove both their mistakes and increase their ranks. For example, we know from an authentic hadith that a slave has a rank in the Hereafter that he cannot reach with his actions, so he is afflicted in his body, or his wealth or his offspring and then granted patience so that Allah makes him reach the rank that has been determined for him. [vii]
As for those who are sinful or have disbelief, then these calamities are because of their sins, acts of disobedience and disbelief.
Why Does Allah Test Us When He Is All-Knowing?
You have asked why does Allah test us while He is the All-Knowing. It is absolutely true that Allah knows everything a person will do, believer or disbeliever.
However, you also know that Allah is The Most Wise [al-Hakim] and every single command of His has wisdom – regardless of whether we understand that wisdom or not.
One underlying wisdom behind these tests and trials is for our own state to become apparent to us – so that we see for ourselves how we reacted and what we did in the dunya.
We will be witnesses to our own actions. For example, when things take a turn for the worse – do we forget Allah or have patience? When blessings are showered on us – do we forget Allah or thank Him for His favors? Then, on the Day of Judgment there will be no excuse for us – and we will not be able to say that had we been given the chance, we would have done this or that.
Now that is the wisdom of why these trials and tests come about – but it is our sincere advice to you not to delve into the depths of taqdir. Allah does not treat anyone unjustly. Keep this in mind and it will bring you serenity and peace of mind:
وَلَا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا
“...and your Lord treats no one with injustice.” [18:49]
Who Was Responsible For The Success Of Your Business?
Allah is the One who provides the sustenance [rizq]. Does a servant of Allah have any right to complain if Allah closes the door that He opened? Insha-Allah, another door will open – have faith and don't give up.
Billions of people have never had the pleasure of owning their own business – and never will for their entire lives.
If Allah gave you that opportunity of owning your own business and then took it away, then praise Him for allowing you to have had a business in the first place. You enjoyed success and wealth for that duration – whereas many will never taste anything close to that their entire lives.
Are You A Slave Or Free?
Man is but a slave ['abd] of Allah. The etiquette [adab] of this relationship demands that whatever a slave gets is but a gift from Allah, and everything belongs to Allah alone.
Our duty is to praise Him when He grants something, and have patience and be content when He decides in His Infinite Wisdom not to grant something. In fact, His “not giving” is also “giving” because His “not giving” is out of wisdom and what is in our best interest.
So if a business crashes, or a marriage ends despite using all permissible and available means to prevent it, then one should be patient and content with the Decree of Allah.
What Are Your Limbs Worth?
Many people don't have the use of one or more of their limbs. Some can't talk – others can't walk. In fact, there are even some that can neither see, nor hear, nor talk.
If Allah has given you a sound body – you can see, hear, talk, walk – then these blessings are priceless. For how much would you sell your eye or tongue?
Conclusion:
You have so many blessings of Allah that others don't have. Use what Allah has given you to restart you life afresh. Take the necessary steps to get out of debt. Use all permissible means available to you to seek out new opportunities.
Stop having doubts about Allah. He has not abandoned you – but you are on the verge of abandoning yourself. Look at those who are in worse situations than you are so that you praise Allah for what you have.
Focus on the present and forget the past. Return to Allah. Make sincere repentance and start praying. Make up all past prayers and ask forgiveness for your lapses.
We make dua that Allah strengthens your faith, blesses you in your rizq, and enables you to marry a pious, loving spouse. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Mufti Sohail ibn Arif,
Assistant Mufti, Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
_______
[i] Siegel David J. The Developing Mind. How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. New. York: Guilford Press, 1999.
[ii] سمعتُ رسولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ يقول: ما من عبدٍ تصيبُه مصيبةٌ فيقول : إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون
اللهمَّ ! أْجُرْني في مصيبتي وأَخلِفْ لي خيرًا منها - إلا أجَره اللهُ في مصيبتِه . وأخْلَف له خيرًا منها . قالت : فلما تُوفِّيَ أبو سلمةَ قلتُ كما أمرني رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ . فأَخلَفَ اللهُ لي خيرًا منه . رسولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّمَ
صحيح مسلم، الرقم ٩١٨
[iii] أنَّ جُلَيْبِيبًا كان امرءًا من الأنصارِ ، وكان يدخلُ على النِّساءِ ويتحدَّثُ إليهنَّ ، قال أبو بَرْزَةَ : قلتُ لامرأتي
اتُّقوا اللهَ لا تُدخِلْنَ عليكم جُلَيْبِيبًا ، قال : وكان النَّبيُّ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم إذا كان لأحدِهم أيِّمٌ لم يزوِّجْها حتَّى يعلمَ هل لرسولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم فيها حاجةٌ أم لا ، فقال رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم ذاتَ يومٍ لرجلٍ من الأنصارِ : يا فلانُ ، زوِّجْني ابنتَك ، قال : نعم : ونِعمةُ عَيْنٍ ، قال : إنِّي لست لنفسي أريدُها ، قال : فلمن ؟ قال : لجُلَيْبِيبٍ ، قال : يا رسولَ اللهِ ، حتَّى أستأمِرَ أمَّها ، فأتاها فقال : إنَّ رسولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم يخطُبُ ابنتَك ، قالت : نعم ، ونِعمةُ عَيْنٍ ، فزوِّجْ رسولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم ، قال : إنَّه ليس لنفسِه يريدُها ، قالت : فلمن ؟ قال : لجُلَيْبِيبٍ ، قالت : حَلقَى ألِجُلَيْبِيبٍ إنيه لا لعمرُ اللهِ لا نُزوِّجُ جُلَيْبِيبًا ، فلمَّا قام أبوها ليأتيَ النَّبيَّ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم ، قالت الفتاةُ من خِدرِها : من خطَبني إليكما ؟ قالا : رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم ، قالت : أترُدُّون على رسولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم أمرَه ، ادفعُوني إلى رسولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم فإنَّه لن يُضيِّعَني ، فذهب أبوها إلى رسولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم ، فقال : شأنَك بها فزوِّجْها جُلَيْبِيبًا ، قال إسحاقُ بنُ عبدِ اللهِ بنِ أبي طلحةَ لثابتٍ : هل تدري ما دعا لها رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم به ؟ قال : وما دعا لها به ؟ قال : اللَّهمَّ صُبَّ عليها الخيرَ صبًّا صبًّا ، ولا تجعلْ عيشَها كَدًّا كَدًّا ، قال ثابتٌ : فزوَّجها إيَّاه ، قال : فبينما رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم في غزاةٍ له فأفاء اللهُ عليه ، فقال : هل تفقِدون من أحدٍ ؟ قالوا : نفقِدُ فلانًا وفلانًا ونفقِدُ فلانًا ، ثمَّ قال : هل تفقِدون من أحدٍ ؟ قالوا : لا . قال : لكنِّي أفقِدُ جُلّيْبِيبًا ، فاطلبوه في القتلَى ، فنظروا في القتلَى فوجدوه إلى جنبِ سبعةٍ قد قتلهم ، ثمَّ قتلوه ، فقال رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم : قتل سبعةً ثمَّ قتلوه ، هذا منِّي وأنا منه ، يقولُها مِرارًا ، فوضعه رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم على ساعدِه ما له سريرٌ إلَّا ساعدَيْ رسولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليه وسلَّم حتَّى وضعه في قبرِه ، قال ثابتٌ : فما كان من الأنصارِ أيِّمٌ أنفقَ منها
شعب الإيمان ٢/ ٦٧٢ خلاصة حكم المحدث : أخرجه مسلم آخر هذا الحديث ، عن إسحاق بن عمر بن سليط ، عن حماد والجميع صحيح على شرطه
سنن الترمذي الرقم: ٣٥٦٣ خلاصة حكم المحدث: هذا حديث حسن غريب
[v] من أصيب بمصيبة فليذكر مصيبته بي فإنها من أعظم المصائب
الجامع لشعب الإيمان، ١٢/ ٤٢٤ الرقم: ٩٦٧٨
قال المحقق مختار أحمد الندوي: إسناده ضعيف والحديث حسن بشواهده
قال الحافظ ابن حجر في " الإصابة " ٢/٢: إسناده حسن لكن اختلف فيه على علقمة
[vi] ولأنهم لو لم يبتلوا لتوهم فيهم الألوهية، وليتوهن على الأمة الصبر على البلية
مرقاة المفاتيح، ٤/ ٣٥
[vii] إنَّ العبدَ إذا سبقت له من اللهِ منزلةٌ لم يبلغْها بعمله ابتلاه اللهُ في جسدِه أو في مالِه أو في ولدِه ثم صبَّره على
ذلك حتى يُبلِّغَه المنزلةَ التي سبقت له من اللهِ تعالى.
سنن أبي داود، الرقم ٣٠٩٠
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