Question Summary:
Severe waswasa regarding hurmate musaharah

Question Detail:

I have a grave problem. I am a sinner and have spent several years doing immoral things that have damaged my soul (zina). I have sincerely repented and i cry everyday for ALLAH'S forgiveness. I have reformed my ways have established regular prayers and fasts since 2014. However, in 2014 after establishing aetikaf in Ramadan i started reading more about Islam and came across Hurmat-e-musaharah. After reading the matter now since 2014 i am living in fear. I have no desire for my father in fact i am repulsed by the idea that anyone would feel that way but i am afraid to touch him because i read that even by mistake if a mahram is touched and any feelings occur then hurmat occurs. Since 2014 i have not been able to even check my father's fever because i am so afraid of my thoughts. A few days ago my father had 102 fever and he asked placed his hand on my cheek and asked if the fever feels this high and since then i am going crazy wondering if i felt anything. Even while giving my father a glass of water i am always reminding myself that you should be careful and not touch your dad and if by mistake my finger touches his then i am unable to sleep or eat for the next several days because i keep trying to remember whether i felt anything or not.
Please advice me as to whether hurmat musaharah is taking place if i have no feelings towards my dad but my heart beat increases or i sweat due to fear and anxiety on thinking whether anything happened or not. This waswasa has been haunting me for 3 years now and sometimes i think that it would have been better if i was not a muslim then this thought would not keep me up all night. Please help me.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected Sister in Islam,
It is pleasing to note that you have sincerely repented from those immoral actions and have changed your life.
May Allah Ta’ala grant you steadfastness and make you amongst the righteous. Ameen.
If a male merely touches a female or vice versa and there is no desire, then hurmat-e-musaharah does not take place.
In the enquired situation, hurmat-e-musaharah did not take place. You should avoid entertaining undue doubts and suspicion as that is from the shaitan (devil). [1]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Saad Haque
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA 
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.