Question Summary:
A male relative is engaged to a woman who is causing problems between him and his mother. What should he do?

Question Detail:

i have a male relative who was in a haraam relationship with a girl and are now engaged.
His mother is a widow and he is her only son,and she is a very nice lady who has been through alot in her life,and she was not happy with his choice but because her son was happy and so she accepted and went forward with the engagement.
Sometime later the girl started pressurising him and putting demands on him that he should go and meet her (she stays in a different town)and also started taunting him that he does his mothers work and for that he can visit a different town but he cant go and meet her and many other demands...and started creating fights between mother and son.His mother(she is a widow) is very upset and does not want to go forward with the wedding.but the boy wants to get married.
If istikhaara is made for 3 days and for all 3 days there is a negative result but the boy still wants to marry her what should be done.
Furthermore the girl has bad mouthed members of the boys family and is turning him against them.the boy had accepted his mothers decision but the girl started threatning him that she would comit sucide if he dint marry her and now he feels he will be blamed and now he is not ready to break it off cuz the girl is still messaging him.
Nikah has not be made yet.Please advice

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Firstly, the man and woman are strangers to each other until after the nikah has taken place. There should be no communication between them and he should block her number and her messages. He should also make a sincere tawbah for engaging in a haram relationship.
Secondly, if it is true that she has threatened to harm herself if the engagement if broken off, what guarantee is there that she will not repeat the same thing again and again until she gets what she wants every time? We acknowledge that he has the right to marry the woman he wants, but he will be very remorseful if he does not take into account the wisdom of his mother and other elders.
Thirdly, he should not feel blamed for breaking off the relationship nor should he feel guilty because a marriage unites two families, not just the man and the woman. If there are so many issues even before the marriage, going forward, these will only lead to further resentment and more conflicts and problems. Therefore, it would be in the best interest of the man to look at his marriage as a union between two families and then honestly ponder if this marriage will unite the families in love or resentment.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.